I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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