I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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