I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
