He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
