I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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