hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
