I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was confusing and full of hummus
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
