i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
