I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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