I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
