And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
3 2 1 whiskey
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
