HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
