i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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