I can text with my tongue
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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