the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize