I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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