Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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