Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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