So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
