I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
