i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
