Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
