I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
