it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
