Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
