You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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