Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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