I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
