Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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