Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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