I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were trust falling into bushes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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