puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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