Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize