I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
