the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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