It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
