I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
