i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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