he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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