your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
