We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize