That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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