she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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