Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
