I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
