just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
