was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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