I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
