If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
