I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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