he fucked my hip out of place.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
