If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
