I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
