Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
