New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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