it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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