too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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