how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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