A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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