hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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