I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
