I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
