I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
