I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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