So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
