Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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