I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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