we made out on top of his cat.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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